Galatoire's: Is It Worth It?

Editor's Note: This one gets a little weird. I struggled with whether or not to recommend it, but not because of the food (which recent visit showed marked improvement). Rather because the experience far exceeds the food. Which is why there is a dissertation in place of a standard review. Refunds gladly given. Buckle Up. 

Few things are misunderstood in the American dining landscape more than "tapas." Just the name is confusing enough to allow restaurateurs to fool an unsuspecting public. Tapas has come to mean smaller portions served at three-quarters the price of a normal plate. It's a great con if you can get in on it. Next time you split a hamburger or only serve your friends three small shrimp, call it tapas and people will swoon towards you like Hemingway to booze.

I am no authority on tapas, but my idea of tapas is that of a free form experience built mainly around drinking and socializing, and lastly eating. The food component is mostly small snacks delivered here and there, quick bites of something salty or sweet, or savory or bitter. Eaten alone, with strangers, or in the company of friends, tapas describes a style of dining more than the dishes served. Tapas are ordered at a set pace - yours. You choose when to switch from sherry to beer or anchovies to foie gras. There may be a menu, but more than likely you pay it no attention. The bartender or waiter guides you as you order. After a few bites, you move on to a different topic of conversation, drink, or food.

By my definition, Galatoire's, that French-Creole bastion, may provide one of the best examples of a tapas dining experience in America. Now, once you are done guffawing, consider this. First, the line between Spanish and French influence in New Orleans is blurrier than your vision after three Hurricanes. The French Quarter is really Spanish. The Civil Code is either French or Spanish, no one really knows for sure. The Saints were originally called Los Santos, and on and on.

Secondly, Jean Galatoire, the founder of Bourbon Street's classiest address, arrived in America by way of Pardies, French. Pardies, a  French town just outside of Pau, is as the crow flies about 156 kilometers from San Sebastian. San Sebastian is likely one of the birthplaces or at least an ardent follower of tapas. The area of Southwest France and Northeast Spain has an independent streak wider that a country mile. Neither area really believes itself to be Spanish or French, but its own unique culture. Sound familiar, New Orleans?

Galatoire's is not the high-end Louis XIV to Careme to Escoffier fancy French dining of reservations made months in advance. Galatoire's is not the place you go to sit in a hushed room while golden trimmed waiters deliver silver domed dishes while reciting French poetry. This is a place with more in common to a cafe or bar, where a cast of characters filters throughout the day to make noisy conversation over a Pernod, a newspaper, and a few bites of something simple.

Now this is not to say the food at Galatoire's is by any means Spanish. Pommes souffle, bernaise, marchand de vin are as French as striking government workers. The trout, pompano, crabmeat, oysters Rockefeller, lamb chops, and thick steaks are the food of a culture blessed with abundance. The menu - there is one - has shortened its official offerings, but a waiter will still deliver to your table just about anything he thinks you should have.

Rather, it is the style of dining at Galatoire's that is uniquely Spanish. This is a meal best undertaken surrounded by the company of four to six friends. Preferably, ones you don't see often enough. Skip the first rush towards lunch. It requires you to get out there entirely too early. Instead head for the second wave around 1:30 or 2:00 pm.

Your first round or two of drinks should be cocktails, something refreshing. A martini, Pimm's cup, or Bloody Mary will do. After two drinks, your table should be ready. The garlic bread, which now arrives along with the regular foot long of Leidenheimer, is a significant and worthwhile upgrade. Crusted with butter and the tinge of garlic, they are perfect with a glass of Champagne, should you be in the mood to celebrate.

Souffle potatoes are hit or miss. At times they arrive plump and airy, greaseless and the color of ancient papyrus. But there is likely one, two, or more on the plate which are soggy, dark brown, and deflated. Same goes for the fried eggplant. Finish the Champagne with the Galatoire's Goute, the classiest seafood platter in town.  A delicious mound of piquant shrimp remoulade shares top billing with a scoop of pearly crabmeat maison and oysters en brochette. That final offering suffers the same fate as the other fried items. It will either be fantastic or disappointing. All of the food up till now has been served to the table, which encourages sharing, passing and more conversation which leads to more drinks.

After a few more rounds of drinks and idle chatter, move on to Oysters Rockefeller and turtle soup. Time wise, you should be about two hours in to your meal or maybe thirty minutes. Time passes both slowly and fast in Galatoire's. Fish with crabmeat has been a perennial strong point at Galatoire's. Egg dishes and steaks are the sleepers. Steaks are particularly well-done, crusty on the exterior, soft on the inside, draped in your sauce of choice. For me, that often means a few bottles of deep, dark Napa cab. On a recent visit, the Pope upstaged us all with a filet topped with foie gras.

Skip dessert, which has always been a weak point. If you really want a dessert, beg for a hot fudge sundae or ask politely for a Grand Marnier, neat. Contrary to popular belief, Galatoire's is not some restaurant designed only for the elite, rather it is a simple neighborhood cafe serving drinks, bites of food, and a place to socialize. All be it in coat after five and all day Sunday.

Galatoire's is tapas. In the same way it took a Russian composer (Prokofiev) to translate the story of an Englishman (Shakespeare) about Italian lovers (Romeo and Juliet) into music, so it took a Frenchmen in New Orleans to fully execute the genius of Spanish tapas in America. And he accomplished this 112 years ago.

Galatoire's: Is It Worth It? Yes, but not if you are looking for a traditional 3 course meal in an hour.
209 Bourbon St.
(504) 525-2021

Winner, Winner, Spaghetti Model Dinner

After playing the role of Susan Lucci as the perennial second place finisher to the likes of nola.com and Lorin Gaudin, Blackened Out finally claimed the #1 spot in the Best Local Blog category in Gambit's Best of New Orleans 2012. While the rest of the city concerns itself with the cone of uncertainty, we're digging deep into the cellar and opening up bottles of the good stuff here at Blackened Out Hurricane Hunter Headquarters. Best to enjoy it now instead of running the risk of letting the good juice go to waste in a power outage.  And even though we expect a referendum to be called for by Uptown Messenger, in the mean time we are going to ride this high for as long as we can.

And of course by "ride this high" we really mean "take the week off."  In accordance with the Blackened Out Bylaws, we are required to abide by the hurricane closures mandated by the Archdiocese of New Orleans. Don't blame us - we didn't make these rules.  Well, actually we did, but we never thought that we would follow them.

So tie down the patio furniture, fill up that generator, and start planning your wine pairings. The Pope tells us that peanut butter and jelly pairs well with everything from rich, fruity California cabernets to lighter, more acidic reds from Burgundy.

And last but not least, thanks to all of you readers who voted for us this year. Your encouragment has renewed our enthusiasm for the little blog that could, and we hope to keep you entertained for many more years to come.

Zagat Restaurant Survey Contest

Here at Blackened Out Cupcakery and Chiropractic Clinic, we try to seize every opportunity we have to promote our local restaurants on a national level. So instead of doing something destructive to our dining scene (such as firing a James Beard award winning restaurant critic), we have decided to lend a helping hand to our friends at Zagat, who seek the assistance of our dear readers.

Zagat's New Orleans Restaurant Blog Contest is a way for you, the savy New Orleans local, to author restaurant reviews and provide your own personal input in the Zagat guide, which hopefully results in a more accurate representation of the restaurant industry in New Orleans. And as an added incentive to complete the survey, each time you vote for a restaurant it will be counted as an entry to win a $100 gift card from Whole Foods.

The prize will be awarded to the Blackened Out reader who writes the most witty, creative and informative review (judged by Zagat). Ergo, it is important that you fill out the "review" field, even though it's technically optional. The survey (and this contest) are live now through June 29th, so start voting as soon as the creative juices start flowing. Additionally, those readers who vote for 10 or more restaurants will be eligible to receive a free copy of the 2013 Zagat New Orleans guide when it's published next year (provided that you submit an address with your surveys).  And as a final lagniappe, The Pope has offered to double the prize if the winning entry successfully incorporates the phrase "loving in your mouth" in the review.

Good luck.

You Know What They Say About...

If I had to choose my favorite dish, it would be raw oysters on the half shell. Something about that cool rush of salty goodness which hits the spot every time. On Good Friday - a day of fasting and abstention from meat for Roman Catholics - if you are going to eat only one meal, you better make it a good one. So when The Pope rang my phone this past Friday to extend an offer of lunch, we both had one thing on our minds.

We considered making the drive to Casamento's, but as we were both already downtown we decided on Grand Isle. After a quick stroll over from the office and passing by several acquaintances in the midst of the Nine Churches Walk, I found The Pope already posted up at the bar at Grand Isle with a glass of wine. (Lots of irony in that sentence.) Two dozen raw hit the table shortly thereafter. These oysters were medium in size, salty and had a rich, creamy texture. Only a dab of horseradish and a squeeze of lemon are needed to adorn the world's greatest food. Cocktail sauce need not apply.

Smoked Fried Oysters.

We continued our oyster repast with an order of the smoked fried oysters ($10.50 for a half dozen), which we have seen before. While these were plump and expertly fried, I couldn't help but miss the grilled vegetable salad and salsa verde in the original dish. And although this was a meatless feast, my ears perked up when I overheard the waitress rattle off all of the charcuterie that Chef Mark Falgoust is curing in house, including the ham in the cheddar melt. That guy takes "nose to tail" to a whole new level.

As you can see from the top picture, I chose to wash down my dozen with an ice cold Abita Strawberry, which would probably earn an "F" if this were a sommelier exam, but hey - that's what I felt like drinking at that moment in time. If I were pairing raw oysters with a purpose (which Rene and I have experience with), I would probably go with a lighter ale or lager for a beer and one of 3 different wines: (1) an albariño, the Spanish white wine from Galicia which has skyrocketed in popularity over the last few years (this is actually what The Pope drank with his dozen); (2) a nice Sancerre from the Loire Valley (don't get distracted by the name - it's only the French way of saying "sauvignon blanc"); or (3) a glass of champagne, because... well, why the hell not?

Lent may be over but our local oysters are still worth eating for a short while longer. Get 'em while they're cold.

Dueling Bloggers: How Much Is it Worth It To You? (Part II)

You are a very effective counselor, counselor. Your arguments are persuasive and succinct, your logic airtight. The problem is your argument fails to pass the common sense approach favored by the esteemed jurists of this internet site. If you had one night in San Sebastian, your argument would be good enough for summary judgment. (Sorry folks, trying to justify going to law school.)

But you do not have just one night. Assuming you will catch a morning train to San Sebastian and spend two nights there, that gives you conservatively eight separate feedings (figuring lunch, tapas, late night dinner, breakfast, lunch, tapas, dinner, breakfast next morning). Ok, take breakfast out of the equation, that is a sucker's meal. So six meals in one of the world's greatest food cities, and you are going to spend all of them eating sardines on toast?

I'll counter your argument with a rhetorical question. If someone came to New Orleans for six meals would you tell them to eat only po boys? A two day gumbo only odyssey? Two days of just Mandina's,  Liuzzas's and Frankie and Johnny's?

Look, I know it seems that while Lindsay and I were in Spain we Michelined our way around Catalonia barely stopping for anything not served on bone china. In fact, there were numerous meals in small tapas spots that we enjoyed thoroughly. One of our favorite spots, Mosquito (above), which we went to two or three times, was a beer bar the size of your office with an extensive menu of Chinese snack food. Plump dumplings, tender noodles, and spicy shredded beef anchored a menu built for drinking beer. There was nothing fancy about it. Just honest cooking and community, two hallmarks of any great meal. Plus there were peeps wearing skinny jeans - you and The Pope would have fit right in. We loved the flavors and vibe at Origens and the energy of the meals in the snack bars of the Boqueria. There is so much good food out there at every price point.

All that said, the two meals we remember the most were lunch at Sant Pau and dinner at Commerc 24. There was just something equal parts excitement, execution, and pampering about both. Now, people will say, "You are just paying for the art on the walls, the expensive china, the 20,000 bottle wine list." Yes, that is true. My counter to that is at more casual spots, you are not paying for highly tuned service, impeccably sourced ingredients, or a 1 : 1 staff to guest ratio. It is a trade off on both accounts.

Plus, there is an even better reason to set aside one meal and do it big. You are a busy man, the Folk Singer is probably busier. You aren't getting any younger or less busy, unless you win the Powerball. It will do your body good to set aside two to three hours and be pampered at the table. Consider it a couple's massage without the tantric spa music and a stranger's hands all over you. Traveling is all about experiencing different and new things to learn what you like sort of like college. How will you know if you prefer traditional tapas to upscale modernist cuisine if you don't try both?

I recommend you go to Arzak or wherever you choose for lunch. Most Big Boys in the dining world are open for lunch and dinner in order to make their numbers work. Lunch is usually less expensive, but no less good, and you get the benefit of being blissful in the afternoon. Take a long, luxurious lunch at one of the world's best restaurants. Drink plenty of wine. Be spoiled by a staff whose only concern is your happiness. Go home and nap. When you wake up, the tapas spots will be waiting for you.

Reveillon & the Rib Room

With the weather change last week, it's beginning to actually feel a lot like Christmas, and just in time for the start of the reveillon menu season. According to history the reveillon meal is taken on early Christmas morning after midnight mass, but our local restaurants have extended the tradition to encompass basically the entire month of December. Leave it to our fair city to take the most extravagant meal of the year and duplicate it over and over again for 30 days.

This year, 42 restaurants are serving reveillon menus in conjunction with the Christmas New Orleans Style campaign. Prices range from $38 for the classic 4 course dinner at Tujague's to a decadent 5 course repast at Restaurant August featuring foie gras and burgundy truffles.

Last week The Pope, The Folk Singer, and I found ourselves in the Quarter with no agenda for dinner, and so we decided to duck into the Rib Room to see what Chef Rene Bajeux was cooking up on his reveillon menu. Overall the reveillon menu is a great value at $45 for 4 courses, with winners and losers in each course. TFS started with a delicious savory pumpkin soup, which avoided the pitfall of tasting like a dessert. For me, an offbeat combination of shrimp remoulade and ahi tuna carpaccio - the former a fair rendition of the classic; the latter was actually seared and lacked the intrinsic vibrancy without which raw tuna just tastes flat. There is no choice in the second course: the classic Rib Room chopped salad with blue cheese, which is delicious in simplicity. In the entree section, the sauteed drum was one of the best pieces of fish that I have eaten all year. The filet was moist with a khaki exterior and a wonderful perfume of garlic; the hash of diced sweet potato and thin coins of andouille underneath paired marvelously well; and the lemon caper vinaigrette tied it all together. TFS had buttery BBQ shrimp over grits; not exciting but nonetheless good. The Pope tried to order the sirloin, but the kitchen was sold out. (Personally, I thought they should have swapped out a different cut.) Instead, he opted for the roasted duck, which I sampled and found to be quite tough. Desserts were unnecessary, especially the stale profiteroles, but a thin slice of the classic yule log was a nice touch for the season.

The high back chairs, dark woods, and vaulted ceiling at the Rib Room create a grandiose atmosphere, all the more appropriate during the holiday season. I am so fond of the ambience that I can't say that I have ever had a bad meal there, regardless of the quality of the food. This night was no exception.

Reveillon at the Rib Room - Par/Birdie
621 St. Louis Street
Lunch & Dinner Daily
(504) 529-7046

Short Order Reviews

It's time for everyone's favorite Blackened Out segment - Short Order Reviews. Now with 50% off the length and even less depth.

That's what she said.

Palace Cafe - Group dinners are inherently tough to execute because it's nearly impossible to insure that all of the food will be served hot. Hence, it's not quite fair to judge a restaurant based on a special event meal, but that's all we do around here is judge. (Just ask Legend and The Pope.) All 120 of us started with the crabmeat cheesecake, which had a light and smooth texture, but not much crabmeat or crab flavor, sitting atop a ground pecan crust. The generous slice was topped with mushrooms sauteed in an overly salty meuniere that was the color of dark chocolate. More crabmeat, less salt, and this could be a really fine dish. Entree choices were drum and a petite filet, both of which were overcooked and served with jazzed up mashed potatoes that should have been left alone. Of course, we all finished with white chocolate bread pudding - rich, buttery, and no discernable white chocolate taste. Bogey/Par.

The Lucky Ladle - This sleepy little spot on Magazine Street specializes in breakfast, and The Folk Singer and I gave it a go for Sunday brunch. Menu is simple but to the point of being uninspired, and the prices are cheap. Breakfast panini ($6.50) had an excellent buttery crispy exterior and gooey filling of egg, bacon, and melting Kraft singles. Call me crazy but the cheese made the sandwich. Accompanying side of home fries were frozen minuscule dices of potato cooked on the griddle but soft and mushy instead of crispy. Grits were terribly bland, but nothing that can’t be fixed with a salt shaker. Bacon and brown sugar waffle was a thick, pillowy round with not much flavor from either of the namesake ingredients. Service was friendly, and the sidewalk table with blue plastic chairs are a nice place to take your morning meal if you simply don’t feel like doing the dishes. Bogey/Par.

Nonna Mia - A group of us were famished after unsuccessfully grazing at the Martini Madness event at City Park a few weeks ago, and Nonna Mia was the only restaurant which  was happy to seat a table of 16 at 10:30pm. There were no (perceptible) grumblings from the staff either, which earns extra points for service in my book. The courtyard was a nice setting on a cool September night. Peroni on tap - gotta like that. Salads and bruschetta used lettuce and tomatoes that were flavorless and poorly executed. The pizzas, on the other hand, surprised me. The crust was yeasty and pliable, the sauce and toppings of respectable quality, and the pies in toto tasted pretty good actually. Understand that Nonna Mia plays AA ball while Domenica and Ancora are in the major leagues. But I would put this pizza on par with your favorite local spot. Birdie for Ambience & Service; Par for Food.

More Fun with Garden Herbs

Remember yesterday when we had a serious discussion about what to do with all that basil? Well, it is far more likely that if you have planted mint anytime in the last 5 years, you still have sprigs of mint popping up all over your yard. So go gather it up and let's get to work.

Tales of the Cocktail is about a month away according to this astrological chart next to me desk. This time of year a young man's thoughts naturally turn to ice cold drinks sipped pool side as one whiles away the days til school starts again. Alas, hark the herald angels sing that tune no more. Face it, once you stop getting summers off, summer is just a hotter version of winter. But you can still find time to drink those frosty beverages you plowed through when you were twenty years old. But let's try and class it up a bit, shall we?

For this drink, I wanted to combine the classic Daiquiri (rum, sugar water, lime) with the minty refreshment of a mint julep. To do this, begin by making a simple syrup. One cup water, one cup sugar, simmered until all the sugar is dissolved. To this, add about two handfuls of mint, which you have slightly bruised by rubbing between your hands. Your hands should now smell better than your first kiss. Let the mint steep for an hour or so, then strain into a bowl. Take the minty sugar syrup and freeze in a ice cream maker or just place into the freezer. Pretty soon you have a slightly frozen mint packed flavor bomb.

Into a cocktail shaker add one teaspoon of the mint sorbet, the juice of one lime, and 2 ounces of rum. I had dark rum, so that is what I used, but white rum would probably be better. Shake, strain into a chilled coupe. Now, see you don't need ice because the sorbet is freezing cold, literally. The result is something akin to a frozen daiquiri without having to wear Ed Hardy shirts.

You could easily drop this mint sorbet into a glass and cover with bourbon. Some people would call that a mint julep, but the Pope calls it dessert.

Whew

Well, that was an interesting weekend.

Hopefully you had a great weekend filled with frivolity, relaxation, and remembrances of the veterans who make three day weekends possible. Our weekend mainly revolved around NOWFE, watching the Pope get grounded by Mary Magdalene, and a trip to La Boca that ended up rolling into a three hour wine fueled discussion on education reform. Or maybe it was Mario Kart.

Couple of weeks ago, prior to a Dorignac's shopping run, Lindsay and I ducked into Cyrus Restaurant for a quick bite to eat. This is always advisable before making groceries lest you come home with a strange assortment of hunger induced miscellany. We expected nothing more than basic Mediterranean melting pot cuisine. Instead we found a restaurant worth your time and marked by fresh ingredients, bold flavors, and exquisite technique. But don't take our word for it. Actually do.

Cyrus Restaurant - Birdie

612 Veterans Memorial Blvd.

309-2477

Lunch: Tues-Sun 11am-3pm

Dinner: Tues-Thur 5:30pm-9pm; Fri-Sat till 10pm

NOWFE

The New Orleans Wine & Food Experience kicks off tomorrow night with the Ella Brennan Award Dinner & Auction honoring Chef Paul Prudhomme, but that's just the beginning of a five day stretch of dinners, tastings, and seminars. For the uninitiated, deciding which NOWFE events to attend can be an overwhelming decision. Fortunately, a few days ago our friend Todd Price gave his own run down on how to budget your time, money, and propensity for hangovers during NOWFE.

As Todd astutely pointed out, NOWFE is one of those cases where (no matter what your tolerance level) attending every event is simply not possible. So what to choose? Well, if you are dumb enough to forego Todd's advice in favor of our own, then may God have mercy on your soul and continue reading at your own peril:

• Vitners' Dinners (Wednesday) - We have had very good luck at the NOWFE winemaker dinners, both at Vizard's and La Cote Brasserie. The costs have risen markedly in the past 2 years, but even at $125, that is still a great value for a multi-course dinner with wine pairings. Think about how much you spent on your last 4 course meal with a bottle of wine. Plus the input of the winery representative is not to be underappreciated; this is a great way to make acquaintances before visting wine country. Now, to be honest, if you have not yet booked your table yet for a Vintner's Dinner, then you're probably too late in the game. But cancellations do happen, so get your name on a waiting list just in case.
• Vinola (Thursday) - If I didn't work for a living and could take off a Thursday afternoon for a 3 hour wine tasting without the partners at my firm seriously questioning my value as an employee, I would have booked my tickets to Vinola a long time ago. This exclusive tasting offers the breadth of the Grand Tastings but in a more intimate setting. The only problem is that the $150 ticket may cost you $1500 in wine purchases later down the line if you like what you taste.
• Royal Street Stroll (Thursday) - It's likely that many of you received the Living Social email in your inbox offering half-off tickets to this year's Royal Street Stroll, and kudos to those who pulled the trigger early before that deal sold out. I don't know if this year's stroll will be even more crowded than usual, but one thing for certain is that King Patrick and his Krewe of Cork will be having a grand old time.
• Seminars (Friday & Saturday) - By far the most underutilized events at NOWFE, these hour long sessions can be quite educational if you are willing to spend the money. Two years ago The Pope raved about how the folks at Riedel taught him how the size/shape of wine glasses can noticeable affect a taste profile. What more do you need beside the La Papa seal of approval?
• Grand Tastings (Friday & Saturday) - Ask yourself these questions: Do I mind eating and drinking stand up, occassionaly having to wait in line for a glass of wine, and grazing on small portions rather than being served at a sit-down dinner? None of the above bother me, which is why I enjoy the Grand Tasting. But some people may find better value by spending a little bit more for the formality of a Vinter's Dinner.
• Cochon 555 (Saturday) - Unrelated to NOWFE but being promoted in conjunction with, Cochon 555 is a pork and wine lover's dream. The premise: 5 Chefs, 5 Pigs, 5 Winemakers. Attendees are treated to a whole hog cooking competition by the participating chefs, and then they get to taste the results along with other pork dishes and pours from the five representing wineries. Can you say... porkgasm?

Tickets to all NOWFE events (except for the vintner dinners) and to Cochon 555 can be purchased online. You can thank us later for taking care of your Memoral Day weekend plans.

Geaux Plates

It's 11:30pm on a Friday. This supposed after-work drink (singular) has morphed into a much longer session than expected, and The Pope keeps talking about the Gold Mine. You haven't eaten since lunch, and your stomach is screaming for pork products stuffed inside a Vietnamese baguette. Where do you turn...

A few weeks ago the local food truck scene expanded by one with the premiere of Geaux Plates, the purple and gold truck making new waves with Uptown bar hoppers. Proprietors Henry Pulitzer and Andrew Gomila have transformed the former Taqueria Chilangos taco truck into a mobile purveyor of local favorites ranging from jambalaya to their own version of a banh mi.

The short menu consists of 6 items, all prices at $7 or under. My favorite is the Bayon Banh Mi (pictured above) which pairs lemongrass grilled chicken and boudin with all of the typical dressings of the classic Vietnamese sandwich. It's like lovin' on Dong Phuong bread, with bonus points to the kitchen for using chicken thighs, which are much more flavorful than breasts. The Cochon de Lait PoBoy has succulent shreds of root beer braised pork plus crunchy mirliton and red onion slaw and pickled chiles for heat. And though the Fancy Ass Grilled Cheese was probably created with the most inebriated of patrons in mind, even the stone-cold sober can appreciate the molten mixture of melted gruyere, red onion marmalade, and grilled portabellos between buttery sliced bread.

Fork-worthy dishes are jambalaya and the Breaux Bridge Breakfast (boudin cake topped with a fried egg), but for some reason using utensils to eat while standing outside a bar never really worked for me. Instead, I recommend requesting a fried egg ON TOP of the Bayou Banh Mi or Cochon de Lait, because nothing takes a sandwich to whole other level like the addition of the gratuitous fried egg and it's rich flowing yolk.

Geaux Plates usually operates Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights, moving back and forth between Rendezvous and the Bridge Lounge. You can track them down via Twitter, or just follow my trail of banh mi crumbs.

Geaux Plates - Birdie

Champagne Sunday

Hat tip to The Folk Singer for finding this gem on Kate Middleton For The Win.

OMG! The Royal Wedding is only 2 weeks away! We at Blackened Out will admit that we were a little disappointed that we didn't receive an invitation to Will and Kate's nuptials, but we'll get over it... eventually. Instead we have decided to take off from work on April 29th so that we can devote our whole day to this momentous occassion, beginning with The Today Show coverage kicking off at 3:00am CST. The Pope will be sweating his wager on Austalia as the destination for the royal honeymoon. We even commissioned Tariq Hanna to create a replica of the royal wedding cake.

If Kate were in New Orleans this weekend, chances are she would be enjoying a few glasses of bubbly on Sunday at Bubble Q. This fundraiser for the New Orleans Jazz Institute will be held from 4-7pm at the sculpture garden in the New Orleans Museum of Art. Hosts for the event are Dr. Corey Hebert and Irvin Mayfield. The bubbly will be provided by Glazer's, and the BBQ will be served by American Sector, Galatoire's, and Squeal among others.

There will be a silent auction and of course live jazz from The Brass-a-Holics and NOJI's Saturday Music School. Advance tickets to the event are $40 per person or two for $70 and can be purchased online here. Tickets at the gate are $50 per person.

It Was a Looooong Weekend

After a record setting day for pounds of pork consumed in an 11 hour time frame, we are in recovery mode here at Blackened Out Media, Massage Parlor, and Marriage Licensing, LLC. Rene, Becker, and the rest of the team behind Hogs would like to thank everyone who came out to City Pork to support the Cause.

We apologize for putting the blog on the back burner for the last few days, but tomorrow we promise to resume our regular scheduled ramblings.  Until then, if anyone knows where to find black market Four Loko, please contact The Pope.

Winesday

Writing about wine is a really easy way to either put people to sleep or make people convinced you are trying to make them feel stupid. Wine is a very ordinary thing. Or more accurately, wine should be an everyday occurrence, spoken about in plain English (if spoken about at all). But too often wine discussion becomes a battle of the snoots with people saying things like "The wine begins with a jaunt through a field of frostbitten arugula and ends with a box of Louboutins on Easter Sunday."

Really? What the hell does that taste like. And more importantly, why would you ever want to drink that?

The Pope knows people. This happens when you are elected by the College of Cardinals. So a few weeks ago, we met one of the Pope's "Wine Guys." Discussions about wine began and the following idea was hatched. The idea is simple, if you remove pretense and preconceptions can someone write about wine without sounding like an asshole?

Last week, Joe the Wine Guy dropped off a case of wine for us. The labels and any other identifying marks were either removed or covered up from the twelve different bottles in the box. Once a week, Peter and I get together, and open the wine. We take a few sips and without consulting each other write down our most basic thoughts. We aren't trying to guess the vintage or the grape or whether the winemaker used new oak or whether it was bottled under a new moon. Nope, we just want our gut reaction to the wine.

Wine is made to go with food. So we also want to know, what kinds of food would this be good with. So, we both write down the name of a restaurant and a dish at the restaurant. Again just collecting our stream of consciousness.

At the end of article, Joe the Wine Guy gives us his notes on what the wine really is and where you can find it. By the way, we don't know his thoughts until after we have tasted and written down our own.

That is it. The point isn't to get it right. It is just to keep it simple, stupid. Ohh and drink some wine; that is the real point.

Peter: Not surprisingly, this red wine tastes fruity - grapes, blackberries, blueberries. Not tannic enough for a steak, but maybe game birds. Roasted simply where the wine could act as the fruit sauce. Cafe Atchafalaya's Boudin Stuffed Quail or Cafe Minh's Lacquered Duck come to mind.

Rene: A red wine. Not heavy, but coats the mouth well. Fresh, blackberry flavor with cedarwood flavor at the end. Light tannins, good acidity, palate cleansing. Would want to drink this with something braised. For that, I go to the root beer braised short ribs at La Petite Grocery.

Joe the Wine Guy:  This week's wine is a 2008 Termes from Bodega Numanthia, a wine made from the Tempranillo grape. This selection features intense fruity aromas such as raspberry and cherry along with flowering ones like violets. When you taste it, you first get an explosion of fruit then you get spices, tobacco, raspberries, and blackberries. The wine is aged in French oak Bordeaux style barrels for 16 months. You can find it at The Wine Seller, Galatoire's, French Market Bistro, and Elios. Retail price is $29.

Mardi Gras Hangover

It was a long, crowded, rainy Mardi Gras this year, and we here at Blackened Out Media Group and Acupuncture Clinic are in need of a Charlie Sheenesque recovery program. Some of you might call this a (moral) hangover. We call it winning.

After an extended binge like this, we are reminded of those epic morning-after struggles of the past, none more impressive than The Pope's 25 hour luggage-free Vegas adventure earlier this year. We would love to go into details, but the above picture about sums it up.

A week ago today, Rene opined on Twitter: "If at this time in a week, you aren't ready for Lent, you did not do Mardi Gras correctly."

Well, Ash Wednesday is here. Finally.

Fausto's

The Pope has steered me wrong many times in life. Starting back in pre-K, he would use his stature as one of the "big kids" to get his way on the playground, usually at the expense of the rest of us. In high school, he would encourage me to wait till the last possible moment to leave a party in order to make it home in time for curfew, and then when it became clear that I had waited too long, he would say: "Dude, you're going to be late already. Why not just stay out all night?" We won't even delve into the college years.

Yet, for some strange reason, I often blindly follow The Pope's guidance still to this day. For example, for the past few years, The Pope has been recommending that we try Fausto's for affordable Italian fare. The Folk Singer and I finally made it to Fausto's last week, and I all I can say is that The Pope has kept his losing streak alive.

Fausto's is an old school, neighborhood Italian restaurant specializing in red gravy and classic Sicilian dishes. If the Italian murals on the wall didn't give this trait away, then just listen to the woman at the next table say to her daughter: "Put ya napkin on ya lap. Ya don't wanna get tomatuh gravy on ya shirt." Many of the diners are obviously regulars, the duration of their patronage is evident by their age and their level of devotion by how they interact with the wait staff. Friendly service is definitely Fausto's greatest attribute.

Meals begin with complimentary breadsticks plucked straight from the freezer, baked in the oven till soft, and covered in a heavy shower of parmesan. These reminded me of the cafeteria in my freshman year dorm. Most entrees are served with a side of angel hair pasta topped (not tossed like the menu says) with marinara tasting not much more than canned crushed tomatoes with a little added sweetness.

Veal Parmesan was a thin cutlet with a rubbery texture. Chicken Sorrentino was one of those dishes where you take the first bite and think, "Wow. This is awful." The description reads as: "Chicken breast with layers of eggplant and mozzarella, flamed with marsala and mushrooms." OK, I like all of those things. Unfortunately, the chicken was tough and eggplant component indiscernible. The marsala was thick, brown, and sweet enough to act as a convincing stand-in for a bad version of teriyaki from that Chinese place in the Lakeside Mall food court. I have never seen The Folk Singer use a salt shaker so vigorously, but that was her only viable option to salvage the dish.

With the kitchen going 0-4 through the first 2 courses, we almost ordered dessert to give Fausto's one last chance. But as soon as we saw the sauce-covered, thin slices of bread pudding delivered to the next table, we decided that enough was enough.

The Folk Singer declared this her worst meal in New Orleans, and she couldn't remember even having a "worst meal" before this. I can't say that I disagree with her. It's tough to bestow a double bogey upon a restaurant after only one visit, but I don't think that we will be returning to Fausto's anytime soon.

Fausto's Bistro - Bogey/Double Bogey
530 Veterans Blvd.
833-7121
Lunch Mon-Thur. Dinner Mon-Sat.

Restaurant Madrid

In this month's issue of OffBeat, we take a look at Restaurant Madrid. Located in a building that once housed one of the many mini-marts that would sell us beer during high school, Madrid offers a taste of Spain from the idyllic comforts of Lakeview. Our assessment of Madrid is much in line with our general opinion on Spanish food in New Orleans - for best results, stick with the tapas/appetizers. A thick, custardy torta, a bowl of lamb meatballs fragrant with mint, and a BYO bottle of Vina Tondonia makes for a nice meal at Madrid. Check out our full review by clicking here.

We usually like to include a picture with our OffBeat articles, but the low lighting at Restaurant Madrid does not present the most opportune setting for food photography. So instead we offer you a picture from Peter's summer excursion with The Pope to the City of Madrid back in 2009.* That's La Papa there on the left in Plaza Mayor. His identity has been protected by a plate of jamon, which was omnipresent at the table during their Iberian adventure.

And as you can see from the photo, The Pope has not matured much since our days in high school when we had no choice but to buy beer from the mini-mart.

* To read more about their musings in Madrid, Porto, Lagos, and Lisbon, click here.

Saints Bye Week Makes for a Big Weekend

There is no such thing as an "off weekend" in the fall in New Orleans. The Saints bye week has left the door open for a number events to fill in the calendar, so strap on your boots for a busy weekend of eating and drinking.

On Saturday, the Broad Street Brewhaha will take place on the roof of the old Schwegmann's at 300 N Broad Street. The event will feature pick me ups from Coffee Roasters of New Orleans and beers by Abita, NOLA Brewing, Lazy Magnolia, Heiner Brau, and Bayou Teche. (Look out next year for Tin Roof to be added to the list.) Admission is free, and a $10 sample card guarantees you 10 3-ounce pours of the beers of your choice.

Sidenote: We wish we were going to the Carnivale de Vin Gala on Saturday night, but Santa did not deliver us the $1000 tickets as early Christmas presents. But if anyone wants to buy us Auction Item #16 entitled "A Few Bites of the Big Apple", we would quickly get over missing the gala. Moving on.

The premiere event of the weekend is the 4th Annual Po-Boy Festival, which will takse place along a seven block stretch of Oak Street beginning at Carrollton. The festival starts at 11:00am, and I advise you to arrive early as the crowds can get quite thick later in the afternoon. The map of po-boy purveyors can be found here, and from experience I can tell you that the booths farther from Carrollton are more likely to have shorter lines. (By the way, we are terribly disappointed that Dong Phuong is not on the list this year.) Finally, as you may recall, we served as "celebrity judges" for last year's Po-Boy Contest, but apparently our star has faded because we will not be on the panel this year. It was a good run.

Also on Sunday, La Boca will be hosting Asado Night at Rio Mar. The all you can eat meat feast features beef, lamb, pork, chicken, morcilla, and chorizo plus other La Boca favorites like provoleta and empandas. The cost is $50 per person and seating is limited, so call 525-8205 ASAP to make a reservation.

Last but not least, MVB will once again be open for business on Sunday night at Slim Goodies beginning at 5:00pm. With this week's recent shout out in the press, the MVB team is gearing up for what will hopefully be another successful burger weekend. One final note, the above linked article mistakenly listed this week's special as last week's. Just to clarify, this week's special is the "South of the Burger" - burger, blackbean and chipotle puree, guacamole, tomatillo crema, queso fresco, and grilled red onion. On The Pope's scale of deliciousness, we think it qualifies as "Lovin' in Your Mouth."

Dueling Bloggers: Customer Customization

Thanks for all the comments on last week's debate. While we aren't positive (our historian is checking), rumor is it was the first meaningful discussion on the internet that did not detour into a mudslinging, nasty name calling affair. You guys and broads brought up insightful, intelligent points that we hadn't even thought about and greatly contributed to the discussion. So congrats, dear readers. We made history. The issue of cash vs. credit cards has no correct, definitive answer, much like which Olsen sister is hottest. Now onto another topic, diners who customize their orders.

Rene: The worst person in the world to eat with is Legend. Doesn't really matter where you go: high-end temple of gastronomy, cozy bistro, or fast food chain, he will customize his order to fit what he wants. For example, "I want the steak, but the potatoes from the fish, the sauce from the chicken, and the dessert from the place across the street." I can't stand this. At most restaurants, a diner should only be able to customize their order when asked. For instance, you may answer "medium rare" when asked, "How would you like your steak cooked?" Or you may tell the waitress how you like your eggs cooked. Eating with a picky, customizing orderer makes me want to crawl under the table. Just order the dish as it is on the menu. And remember, dressing on the side is about as cool as a bag of Robert Peytons. No matter what anyone says, you are going to eat the whole damn mini-tub of ranch anyway.

Peter: Remember when I wrote that story about the Old Broads from Broad Street? You know, that cadre of waitresses who migrated from the original Ruth's to the new restaurant in the Harrah's Hotel? (No? Well, I couldn't the link online, so apparently that article doesn't exist.) Anyway, when I asked those girls what it was like to work for Ruth Fertel, they all echoed the same memory: "Ms. Ruth's philosophy was always: "Give the customer whatever they want.'" Some restaurants pretend as if it takes an act of Congress to get the kitchen to swap rice for potatoes with your fish. If Connie at Ruth's could hand crush peppermint candies to make The Pope's beloved peppermint ice cream (which had been taken off the menu much to the dismay of the 11 year old Ponitff), then I should be able to get bernaise instead of demi glace with my lambchops.

Rene: A restaurant, a good one at least, is a highly tuned machine. Any little change in cooking, plating, or ingredients can throw a kitchen out of sync. Which means your meal could suffer. To increase your odds of pleasurable dining, decrease your special requests. Recently I heard of a story in which a group went into a recently opened New Orleans restaurant and asked for a "tasting of curry." Note: This was not an Indian restaurant. Now, I will concede that if you have dietary restrictions or are a practicing Bloggletarian*, then you may request kindly that the kitchen do something special. But the carte blanche approach smacks of Veruca Salt , "I want this Mexican restaurant to make me German food with candy corn topping and snozzberry ice cream, Daddy." I'll let you customize, but only when absolutely necessary. Also, you have to remember the most important rule, "Dont be an asshole."

Peter: I have to agree, but only to a certain extent. I'll go back to my argument above re: it's not that f*cking hard for a cook to switch out sauces and side dishes, provided that the different ingredient is offered elsewhere on the menu. Funny story about that though. Christmas 2006. My entire family travels across the pond to visit my sister, who was spending her junior year in Paris. Dining out in a foreign country is difficult enough with the requisite language barrier, but my father's healthy eating habits made it even worse. Everywhere we ate, he desperately tried to customize his order by supplementing vegetables. My sister - at the time the only one of us who spoke any French worth a damn - refused to help my Dad, using the classical excuse, "They don't let you substitute like that in France." Pops was always polite and smiled when he said in this most awkward Frenglish accent, "Les vegetables?" The rest of us would cringe at this exercise in futility, and the waiter would just smile and look confused. Looking back, I have to thank my Dad for showing me exactly what NOT to do when dining out abroad, because when I returned that summer I felt like an old pro when it came to European restaurants.

Rene: You want customization? Been brainwashed to have it your way by Madison Avenue hucksters with catchwords, buzzphrases, and you are special dreams? Cook at home. There you can make a tahini and falafel gyro or delight in eggs benedict hold the Canadian bacon, add avocado. When I eat at restaurants, I want to taste the chef's food. I want an idea of how he cooks, how she thinks, or what her training is. This doesn't mean you have to agree with the chef's decision to place foie gras on top of a fried chicken, stuffed biscuit, but you should try it that way before disagreeing with it. When you customize at a restaurant it is like telling a girl, "I think you would be pretty if you lost 10 pounds." Finally, people love to say, "I love this or that restaurant because it feels like dining at someone's house." Well, most dinner parties I go to (read here: once - haven't been invited back), I have never had a say in the menu.

Peter: I agree with you - diners need to be more adventurous and trusting of chefs when it comes to uncommon combination of ingredients, flavors, and textures. But what if someone walks into restaurant, with a wallet full of cash (or credit) and willing to spend it, but they don't like beets? Does Donald Link allow a diner to order the braised pork rib without them? You're right, for the most part, chefs design a dish such that each ingredient serves a specific role in the overall composition. But, again, it's their money. Why shouldn't a restaurant give the customer without they, as long as it's within reason?


* Your friend and ours, Bloggle, has become a vegan or something like that. If you need him, he can be found playing in the drum circle at Panic Nolaween and trying to sell you a vegan burrito.

Onion Rings

The recipe is so simple: Onions + Batter. But what emerges from the deep fryer is a dish infinitely more delicious than the sum of its parts. I'm talking about onion rings, those golden hoops of goodness which lately I can't seem to get enough of. Although my affinity for onion rings is strong, it is nothing but a crush compared to The Pope's certifiable obsession. I remember one particular midnight meal at Camellia Grill a decade or so ago. After waiting 30 minutes for a seat at the counter, The Pope refused to order and stormed out after Sleepy told him that onion rings were no longer on the menu. That, my friends, is a man who sticks to his principles.

Onion rings come in all forms: thinly sliced or huge loops; dusted in a little flour or coated in a thick batter; spiced up with cayenne or simply sprinkled with salt. My absolute favorite are the huge baskets of shaved onions served at Mahony's, which are incredibly light and greaseless. The shoestrings served at Charlie's Steakhouse have withstood the test of time, as have the crunchy coated rings at Mandina's. Though the coating is thicker than I am accustom to, I am also a fan of the puffy rings served in a stack at The American Sector.

So many onion rings, yet my craving still has not been satisfied. Let's hear about some of your favorites in the comments.