Baby, Its Hot Outside

In honor of Mr. Armstrong's birthday this week and Satchmo Fest this weekend, here is our review of Hansen's Sno-Bliz in this month's offBEAT Magazine.

Did we really just embed a video, successfully? This calls for a celebration. Simple question, leave your answer in comment. What is either your favorite Hansen's flavor or the most unique combination of flavors you have ever tried. Enjoy the heat and the humidity this weekend, folks.

Worth the Hype

Last Sunday, Lindsay and I spent the day doing that crap you have to do sometimes. A doorknob needed fixing, the house cleaning, groceries making, and the yard tending. Most of that could be done inside and therefore avoiding the oppressive heat of summertime. But no one ever takes advice, especially their own, which is how I found myself digging a hole in the backyard to plant an olive tree at 1:15 in the afternoon. (GENCO Olive Oil Co, here we come.) Within no time the sun had reduced my flesh to a wobbly, sweaty mess and I was cursing and throwing things. My vision temporarily blurred as the nexus of the sun's energy had somehow focused itself on a 5' by 5' square in my backyard.

"Hey, it's really hot out here," Lindsay said.

"Yeah."

"And we didn't eat any lunch. You know you get cranky if you haven't eaten."

"I do not get cranky. It's just this god damn shovel won't work."

"I got an idea. Let's go try Hansen's, then you can come back and mess with that hole some more."

That's what she said. Literally. You have seen pictures of Hansen's here and on other websites. Or maybe you have driven by or are a long time customer, so you know the building is a solid, Masonic temple of culinary mastery. We got to Hansen's by 1:30 and stood in line.

Luckily, in front of us was a know-it-all who wanted to impress his out of town guests by going over the rules of Hansen's. And rules about life. "You can't get more than one flavor on your first visit, Felix. Secondly, Ashley is working the ice machine, so don't make me look like an idiot. Thirdly, you see this scab? It's from John Howard, that punk in middle school. He is probably in prison now. He put a cigarette out on my thumb in seventh grade... My favorite flavor? Cream of chocolate. But I hear chocolate mint is new, so that is gonna be my new favorite."

Now you know the rules of Hansen's. Our orders were straightforward - satsuma hot rod and a cream of coconut hot rod. A hot rod denotes that the sno-ball has been stuffed with vanilla ice cream. Lindsay claimed her coconut confection supreme. While I found it very good, I preferred the tart/cream combo of mine.

But no matter, as it would seem impossible for a bad flavor to exist at Hansen's. The syrup is key. At other stands in town, the syrup makes your bones rattle and sugar levels spike. At Hansen's the syrup loads in flavor and punch without being syrupy. The shaved ice has a consistency that more resembles actual snow than snow itself. The prices are higher than your neighborhood stand and the wait longer, but there is absolutely no better sno-ball in the city than Hansen's. Shoot, there may be no better dining experience in the city than Hansen's on a hot day.

Hansen's - Eagle.

The Heat is On

Ladies and Gentlemen, Spring has left the building.

The first blast of summer occurred at approximately 3:07 pm last Thursday. Walking back from Mike's on the Avenue, the rising bands of heat off the sidewalk and sweat-stained shirt collar welcomed me back into summer's fold. Of course, we had a brief release from heat on Mother's Day, but really that is no different than the governor's eleventh hour phone call to the warden to hold off the execution for another 24 hours.

The good thing about the heat wave? It means we get to eat all manners of sticky, sweet, cold treats. Snowballs, gelato, spumoni, frozen yogurt, and Dackrees wait for you after a long day in the yard. My insatiable sweet tooth has been in overdrive as I've sampled gelato from Gaspare's (pitch-perfect Stracciatelli), frozen yogurt from newly opened, already a hit Pinkberry, and more.
But first, I have a little confession to make. I have never had a Hansen's snowball. I grew up in Old Metairie, near Sal's snowball stand. You may recall Lee's Theorem which holds that one's preference for a snowball stand is directly proportional to the distance it is from one's childhood home. While my summers were mostly spent riding my bike wherever we darn well pleased, the trek to Hansen's would have been a little out of reach. Needless to say my inaugural trek to Hanson's is what I am looking forward to most this summer.

So the million dollar question is what flavor to get? My all time favorite flavor is grape, but orange, blackberry, and coconut have made strong lobbies in the past. The floor is yours.

Hansen's Sno-Bliz

Damn, it's hot outside. What better way to cool off than a snowball?

To our out-of-town readers, the answer is no. A snowball is NOT the same as a sno-cone or Hawaiian shaved ice. Allow me to explain the difference. New Orleans style snowballs are set apart from all others because the ice is much, much finer. So fine in fact that the best snowball makers must alternate between pouring syrups and packing on more ice, because if they just poured the syrup on the top then the elixirs would not penetrate the ice near the bottom. Try one and you are sure to notice the difference. If you are feeling particularly adventurous, ask for a generous pour of condensed milk on top of your snowball. The extra insulin shot will be worth it.

We all have our favorite snowball stands, but in my opinion none come close to Hansen's Sno-Bliz. Their ice is shaved so fine that you might as well be eating clouds. For the magic behind the sno-bliz, I direct you to Todd Price's May article in the Times Picayune. (It must also be noted that Hansen's makes their own syrups - a feat which not many other snowballers can lay claim to.)

Even though Hansen's stands alone at the top, there are still many other snowball stands vying for second place. In a recent conversation I had with The Coonhunter, he made an astute observation that which snowball stand you prefer directly correlates to where you grew up. His contention is based on the strong ties between the stands and their neighborhoods. So I guess today's poll could be more of a demographic analysis of our readers as opposed to a means to end the snowball debate. Either way, we'd like to hear your opinion. (Write-in votes are welcome in the comments.)

Last but not least, no matter what your vote, let us never forget that when it comes to snowballs:

I'll take a large limeade please.