Super Bowl Skinny Dipping

You need dippy things. This is not the time to try and recreate the amuse from August or the ham hock infected gumbo you had over Christmas. Focus on the simple: chips and salsa, french onion dip, hummus, and cheese dip. The last is probably the most important. Now of course you can get all these dipity do dahs from a can. But then again I can get a pretty good look at a butcher by sticking my head up a T-Bone's ass, but I would rather just take the cow's word for it.

Salsa comes from the Latin word meaning to salt. Or you could be really fancy and call it pico de gallo, which is the Spanish phrase for tiny of the horse. It's a tart and spicy combo of flavors, fruits, and veggies. Don't like to cut onions? Do they make you cry? Here order this you pansy. Finely mince an onion, dice 5 tomatoes, dice one jalapeno, maybe add some black beans if you are crazy, throw in some smooshed garlic, squeeze in one lime, some salt and pepper, some cilantro or parsley if you got it, and a healthy glug of olive oil. You are done, but you look like a tool in that Guy Fieri Junior Start Up Kit.

French Onion Dip comes in a can and to be fair, its f$cking tasty. But then you look down after your 400th Lay's with Ridges and you realize you just ate a tub of mayo. Look I am not judging, trust me, I have been there; but homemade french onion dip does not require that much effort. Put on your goggles and cut 3 onions into thin strips, the French call this julienne. Saute onions in some butter and olive oil over low heat until rich and dark; add salt and pepper and maybe some cayenne. I like to throw in a teaspoon of What's This Shire Sauce. Be careful not to burn. Then add onions into a food processor or just a bowl. Add 1 cup of mayo and 1 cup of sour cream. Mix, add salt and pepper to taste, maybe throw in some dice chives. Place in fridge for about an hour or so before serving.

Hummus-One can of chickpeas, drained, in a blender or food processor, one garlic clove, some tahini (or peanut butter), salt, pepper, and the juice of half a lemon. Puree, then with blender or processor running drizzle in 1/2 cup or so of olive oil. Taste, adjust seasonings, serve with pita chips or those carrots and celery from the wing platter.

Cheese Dip has revolutionized the snack industry. Not sense the Twinkie, the individual serving size of pudding, and Pixie Sticks has the snack world been so rocked by a product. However, that crap in a jar just does not cut it. In a heavy pot, combine 1/2 stick of butter with 1/4 cup of All-Puropse Flour. Make a beige roux. Add 2 cups of whole milk. Bring up to a light simmer. This is now a bechamel sauce.

Now we are going to make a Mornay sauce by adding some cheese. Use as much as you want, but a cup would be a good number to start with. If using something like a cheddar, gruyere, Swiss or Parmesan, I would grate the cheese. Feel free to combine different cheeses, its your party. If you are using a soft cheese, like blue cheese, just crumble the cheese into the mixture. Add some seasonings or a can of Rotel or some of your homemade salsa. Once cheese has melted and mixture has thickened, eat.

Or you could call Cochon Butcher at 588-PORK and order some party trays. They have more pork than Obama's stimulus package. Zinger!

Now lets say you made a blue cheese dipping sauce and dipped the wings from Wednesday into that blue cheese sauce and sucked down 5-15 Bloody Marys...well I would say you won the Lombardi trophy, Super Fan. Enjoy the last Super Bowl the Saints do not win. Next year the menu will be epic.