Super Bowl Recipes

Ahhh, the Super Bowl. Every year the titans of each football conference meet in a trendy city to battle out for the title of Champion. This year the NFL chose the Steelers of Pittsburgh to take on the Cardinals of Arizona in Tampa. Unfortunately the NFL once again overlooked the Los Santos of Nueva Orleanas. However Legend, who calls the Tampa/St. Petersburg area his "bachelor pad" has informed us that all precautions are in place. Whatever that means.

First off, sweet logo Tampa. Was the 4th grade class at Bayview Elementary in charge of designing this year's mark? Tecmo Bowl had better graphics than this piece of junk. And I really like how you tried to capitalize on the Obama 1.20.09 bumper stickers as well. Lucky for you the dates are markedly similar. So now I am not sure if you are pimping a football weekend or raising my taxes.

Tampa is only known for two things: jean shorts and Mons Venus. It is deplorable that neither image made it onto the logo. But I guess that is what happens when a 10 year-old runs your marketing department. Lord knows that explains Blackened Out's lack of a tv show/book deal/comic book.

For the remainder of this week, we will focus on the Super Bowl. Not the game but the booze and food. Football events are an opportunity for manly grub and gambling. Hopefully you can combine the two into a sort of food challenge (i.e. The Pizza Chug or the infamous, but deadly, How Many Wings Can Peter Eat in 20 Minutes Testimonial).

Well, let us focus on wings for today's lesson. Battered or naked? Blue Cheese or Ranch? Hot Sauce or Hottest Sauce ever? The question is yours, the answer ours.

Throughout my years of fatdom, I have experimented with many techniques for making wings. Battered wings are good but have a tendency to become incredibly soggy if not immediately scarfed down. Naked wings in the hands of an over eager fan lack a crunch and the sauce will sometimes not adhere properly. These are serious concerns.

So here is a technique for you to try. First fill a large pot with water and a good dollop of crab boil. Bring to a boil and add the wings in batches. Allow water to return to a boil. Boil for 5 minutes. Remove wings and let dry on a rack, plate, or paper towel. You may even want to do this ahead of time and place the wings in the fridge. The goal is to have a very dry, parboiled wing. This process will help remove some of the fat from the skin resulting in a very crispy exterior without breading, see also Peking Duck.

Now into a very hot oven or a frying vessel with oil at 350 degrees, fry or bake the wings (if frying, in batches please) for 4 minutes until the skin is crispy and the interior cooked through. You may want to check a few. As they come out of fryer or oven, place on rack or paper towel and salt them.

Now comes the fun part, saucing these wangs. You have a plethora of options here, but these are my favorite.

Asian Style- In a large bowl, combine 1/2 stick of softened butter, a 4 second squeeze of sriracha, and some soy sauce. Stir mixture. Place hot wings in sauce. Coat thoroughly and remove. Warning this is the culinary equivalent of napalm.

Buffalo Style- 1/2 stick softened butter and a significant amount of Crystal sauce. Add hot wings to mixture, coat thoroughly and remove. Anyone ever been to Buffalo? If so do Buffalonians just call them Wings?

Honey Mustard- 1/2 stick softened butter, 2 tablespoons of honey, a tablespoon of Coleman's Yellow Mustard Powder, and a splash of water. Whisk mixture together into a paste. Add hot wings, coat, and remove. This spice is very sneaky, but the honey will temper it.

Garlic Paste- First roast some garlic. There are many ways to do this, look it up. Or cut a garlic clove in half, place in foil, and roast at 425 for about 30 minutes. Remove roasted garlic and add to 1/2 stick of softened butter along with some oregano, red pepper flakes, and a splash of red wine vinegar. Fill in the blanks.

Or you could make all of these sauces or one or two, set them in a bowl and let people dip their way to neverending fun. Always put out celery and carrot sticks for any Vegans your loser roommate invited. As far as blue cheese or ranch why not combine the two. Buy a high quality ranch dressing, an oxymoron perhaps, and add to it some serious hunks of blue cheese. Allow it to sit in the fridge for 2 hours before serving.

Ohh and buy a bunch of those wet naps. Tomorrow Peter sets up your Super Bar.