Wednesday, July 16, 2008

The Manifesto: Part 2

I love the taste of New Orleans tap water. Sure that may sound insane, but in reality if you drink bottled water you are killing polar bears. I can't stand this query from a waiter (or some variation of it), "Would you like sparkling or still water?"

Listen, restaurant, I am well aware that you probably have bottled water available for purchase. Quite frankly I did not come here to get my recommended daily allotment of hydro. I came here to eat and drink. Just bring me some tap water, on ice. If there is an overwhelming desire for bottled water by either myself or someone at the table, we will let you know.

Even better are idiots who request bottled water and a glass of ice. Usually there rationale is they "cant stand the taste of tap water/tap water is gross/look how sophisticated I am with Evian." Remember Evian spelled backwards is Naive.*

*I heard this one time from a comedian. Or maybe it was nothing.

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