Chefs vs. "City"

Tonight is the premiere of the "Chefs vs. City" New Orleans episode. Last month we eluded to potential spoilers procured from our source at The Creole Creamery, but who knows if those segments even made the final cut. The "City" will be represented tonight by Alfred Singleton and Stephanie Bernard. I wish them good luck and hope they bring home a victory for The Big Easy. I am very, truly, honestly happy for them.

But I am also extremely bitter. Why? Because I'm a sore loser. See, Rene and I auditioned for this show back in early March. We missed the open casting call, but fortunately the casting agency allowed us to advance to the on-video auditions the next day. We were so excited and truly believed that this could be our big break. I have never had goose bumps like I did on the drive that Sunday to Spudley's Super Spuds...

WHAT?!?! Yeah, you read that right. The auditions were at Spudley's Super Spuds. I didn't even know that place served food. I always thought that the catchy radio commercials were just additional cover for whatever money laundering scheme was being run out of that blue Quonset hut, farmhouse looking thing on the I-10 service road. My presumptions were confirmed when we walked inside, which consisted of an ordering counter, no apparent kitchen, and a video poker machine. Auditions were taped in the hay loft... er... I mean "second floor."

Honestly, we were nervous and easily could have blown the interview. All I remember is Rene blabbering about how Legend got drunk one night, and then next thing you know we were writing this blog. I also may have slightly embellished Rene's culinary resume to make the casting people believe that we had professional cooking experience, so if they checked our resumes then we were in trouble. In sum, we could have shot ourselves in the foot (multiple times). It also probably didn't help that I was in mid-recovery from a severe stomach virus caused by a bad batch of lamb vindaloo, but I will spare you those details.

But that is not the point. My beef is with this whole "Chefs vs. City" concept. OK, the Food Network team is comprised of chefs (and very good ones at that). But the "City" team almost always consists of ... two chefs! Alfred and Stephanie both come from the kitchen at Dickie Brennan's Steakhouse. Shouldn't the show then be "Chefs vs. Chefs"? We should have known that something was up that day at Spudley's when Bob Iacovone walked into the House of Smurf. Rene said to me, "Hey Bob, you were on freaking Iron Chef. Give the rest of us a chance." It also didn't help our chances that Bob's casting partner was a 6ft blonde who was slightly more attractive than us schlobs.

So what was it? Did the Food Network gods not think that Rene and I could shuck oysters or go crabbing? Or were we too intimidating? Did the casting director watch 15 seconds of our video before stopping and saying, "We can't take these young 'uns. It wouldn't be fair. They look like they eat 8 scoops of ice cream as a warm-up."

I guess we'll see at 9pm tonight.