Thursday, April 3, 2008

All Toque, No Chef

A few thoughts on last night's episode of Top Chef:

1) Last night once again proved the sneakiness of the Top Chef producers. And by that I mean, where the hell did that Lisa girl come from? Every season around episode 4 or 5, all of a sudden its like a new contestant appears from thin air.

2) Has anyone noticed how amazing this Dale cat is? That headband he wears with his Chef's jacket makes him look like the really jacked up Asian dude at the gym. You know the one. The guy, who is always offering to help spot you or in pick-up basketball games is constantly trying to set picks. Then, in his interview sessions he wears that Old School Grey Members Only Jacket (zipped up completely) which makes him look like every police sketch of a Chinatown thief. That being said he certainly appears to have the technical and culinary skills to make it pretty far.

3) Richard's use of that bong like smoking device is slowly reminding me of Marcel and his foams; and that is not a good thing. And his voice is beginning to remind me of Jim Breuer, which coupled with his bong, is making me really hungry.

4) Jennifer keep up the good work especially homering for Zoi; but if you could please stop looking eerily similar to Richard. Last night, I spent a good 15 minutes trying to determine if it was you or Richard on screen. Work it out amongst yourselves. And tell Zoi to stop crying, America is rooting against her.

5) Manuel you really appeared to be the Vegas favorite, your resume was incredibly impressive, and you seemed level headed (in the style of Harold). However, deer in headlights have a better of idea of what they are going to do than you did last night.

6) Great choice for the elimination challenge. However, the chefs (save Lisa) missed a key principle (which maybe they had no clue of). You were cooking for Aisha Tyler who is a comedian, so use a funny movie and prepare a classical dish properly and there is no way you go home. No need to reinvent the wheel every challenge. That being said here are some ideas I couldn't help but develop.

When Harry Met Sally---Dessert so amazing and sinful it makes the person next to you say, "I'll have what she is having." Of course sets you up for a monumental disappointment if the dish falls flaccid.

Blazing Saddles--The Fireside Baked Beans Scene steals the show in that movie so make a Cassoulet (although time wise probably difficult) or any dish with beans.

Deliverance--Squeal Like a Pig Pork Chop. See this is not hard.

Now dear readers, what would you have done? Legend, the floor is yours.

P.S. Daniel Boulud is always great on TV. In fact, possibly one of the top culinary shows on TV is After Hours with Daniel. It shows on Mojo, but it should replace Don't Forget the Lyrics.

Edit, from the Dona (who is to shy to post): Dirty Dancing-- Nobody puts baby in the Corn Pudding.


David Dust said...

I was SO glad when Richard's "smoker" went out. He used that thing during EVERY challenge.

Click here for DavidDust's Top Chef recap.

Legend said...

Last night I had the opportunity to debrief my very first episode of Top Chef with the contributing editor of Blackened Out himself. I had hopes of speaking with the web based food critic face to face using the latest in Internet video conferencing, regrettably, the discussion was had via cell phone while in my boxer shorts and flip flops standing in my driveway as to not wake my roommates.

In a lengthy conversation interrupted intermittently with brief tangents concerning friends, foes, future debauchery, and foreign policy, we concluded that a lighter take on the theme would have clearly been the conservative play for the competitors. "Who is going to throw out the funny guy?" asked the critic. "It may not win, but he/she is certainly not getting sent home"

With this conclusion in mind, I offer a few of my first thoughts upon hearing the theme around 10:13PM EDT. I must add that these ideas were deemed tasteless, bland, and banal by a third party BlackenedOut reader prior to my conversation with Rene. My palate was a bit offended, but I decided to share them anyway thanks to the support of the BlackenOut staff.

Matzo Ball Soup served spoon-less - Coming to America - "Just taste the soup"

Gourmet Cheese Za (I am not a chef nor critic, but I imagine some really expensive stinky, french cheese on top of a delicious and even more exotically flavored thin pizza pie crust.) - Kevin McAllister, Home Alone - "Ah, one whole cheese pizza just for me!"

Gourmet Fried Chicken - Bob Wiley in "What About Bob?" - My guess is the contestents would have to run wild with the dipping sauces in order to make this soulful American classic, gourmet.

Chilled Monkey Brains - Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom - If the monkey heads at Whole Foods are not fresh, Cherry JELLO served inside a small carved pumpkin with a monkey face may be substituted.

The of drink choice is clearly a tall glass of Hydro - WaterWorld