Highway Robbery

Occurred last Saturday at the New Orleans Bar & Grille. I was told by more knowledgeable and sage men not to participate in this sham operation "You will make a great dish and lose to a crawfish boil and some dude pouring Miller Lite down an Ice Luge." Well, as the jackass in the briar patch says, "Look before you leap."

First course: Grilled halloumi cheese on toasted pita bread with a strawberry, mint, and balsamic salsa. This simple explosion of the flavors of spring was no match for the awesome power of Mrs. Paul's fish sticks.

Second course: "Red Beans and Rice" as savory rice calas over a red bean puree with a horseradish brown mustard emulsion. Here is a pic.

We entered the above in the category of Most Creative. Now be honest dear readers, you have never seen red beans and rice served like this have you? That's creative or my name is Conformity. Well, it lost to crab beignets. Wow. Crab beignets have only been around for about 15 years. Who wins Most Creative next year, blackened redfish?

I'm so sorry to blow your fu%king mind judges, with such innovative twists on local cuisine, but I thought you could handle it. I guess I should have used my hands to make quotation marks when I described the dish. You know like how your companions do when they describe you as a friend to other people. Don't you fools know that quotation marks is restaurant code for watch out for the originality train?

Dessert was homemade peanut butter ice cream with a bacon praline chip and a bruleed banana, a/k/a "The Elvis." We lost to bread pudding, sponge cake, and white chocolate mousse. Injustice at a bar association function? That is like modesty at a strip club. No wonder people hate lawyers. I do too.

Section123SaintsFan and his cohorts won best overall. This stirring endorsement of their offerings by 123Fan shows they deserved to win, "Yeah we totally mailed it in this year. Some pecan bites or crap like that and Firefly Ice Tea Vodka. We do not stand a chance. Your food though is awesome."

I'm bitter, yes. But I have learned from my lesson. Next year, I am playing to the judges. Sliced Vienna Sausages on Saltines with French's mustard and a pickle, Circus Peanuts, and water from Cancun's municipal water supply. Say hello to my little friend, dysentery.

Photos courtesy of She La. Bah Humbug, plebes.