Friday, February 18, 2011

Playing Hooky (Sung to the Tune of Makin Whoopee)

Growing up, perfect attendance in school always seemed like such a noble goal. But it wasn't till college that I realized skipping afternoon classes was much more enjoyable. This practice was honed and perfected such that by the time my third year of law school came around, I had it down to a science. Here was the science.

Many people will tell you stupidly to schedule classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays and have no classes MWF. This is stupid for two reasons a) Classes on Tues. and Thurs. are usually 1.5 hours b) Who wants to be in class all day anyday. Instead you do this. Schedule all your classes for MWF and go religiously the first 6 weeks (in fall too hot, in winter too cold to enjoy outside). Then start taking off every Friday. Now you have the gift of no classes on Friday, without the burden of being in class all day Thursday.

This works in the real world as well, especially in New Orleans where playing hooky on Friday afternoons is a sign of a good worker. When the weather is this perfect, if you aren't playing hooky you are unemployed. And I apologize for that. So today I want you to tell your boss at 11:45 "I am taking prospective client/client/Jamiroquai to lunch. Ehhh, wish I didn't have to do this. He/She is so boring."

Now you are clear for the afternoon. Getting lunch is a good idea. But really you want to spend this gorgeous day holed up in a cool, dark bar. Why? Well if someone calls looking for you, you need to be ready to go back to the office. Do not leave campus; stay within "Yeah boss, I'm on my way back to the office" striking distance.

And avoid places where you can sit outside and drink. Why? Jesus, do I have to explain everything to you.

Couple of options for you. Let's say you are getting reimbursed for this meeting. Hit up the tony Sazerac Bar in the Roosevelt Hotel. The decor is dark enough and the vibe clubby, which helps keep lookie loos away. I like a Ramos Gin Fizz in this bar because that is what her most famous patron enjoyed. You do not want to piss off the ghost of Bobby Hebert.

Next door to the Roosevelt, is the unaffiliated but fortuitously named, Roosevelt Hotel Bar. Chef Chris Cody has just taken over the reigns and is turning out some impressive bar food. Ask for the off-menu Cody Special, a meatgasmic blend of all things holy: pork, cheese, and supermodels in bathing suits. The cocktail list has a wealth of treasures, I particularly liked a bourbon and soda concoction spiked with ginger and threaded with rosemary. The Roosevelt Hotel Bar is completely off-the-radar of most folks. Good for hiding and making new friends you will never see again.

If you really want to do this day right, find Chuck's Damn Near 24-Hour Bar and walk into the darkness. Sunlight is outlawed inside of Chuck's, but the jukebox may just be the best in the city. Win/Win if you ask me. The last time I was at Chuck's some rube kept buying everyone Tic Tac shots, which are as horribly delicious as they sound. The maids and porters from area hotels shooting pool at 2 p.m. give this place more character development than 9 seasons of Friends.

Going to Chuck's? Cancel whatever plans you made for later tonight. If you play hooky, right, they either won't or shouldn't come to fruition.


Awren said...

Equivalent as I'm a second semester senior? Should I begin to skip class and drink? Or would that be considered alcoholism?

Rene said...


We would never advocate anything we didnt first try ourselves. So you are on your own there. You are talking to two angels.

zack said...

aprapro to this subject, I will be in town next friday. Return to chuck's? this time I drive you home?

zack said...

please excuse this rube's misspellings and misdeeds

Rene said...

For the record, Xack is the only person in history not allowed in The Kingpin because he was too drunk.

Nathan said...

Mmmmmmmm, Chuck's (not to be interpreted as weird as it sounds).

Anonymous said...

You dumb bastards, a schooner is a sailboat...and the perfect hideout is Cajun Mikes on Baronne during work and during another god awful catholic wedding at that Jesuit church on Baronne....If you go, tell 'em Large Marge sent ya!!!

KS said...

i am still searching for some guys who came in town for a visit in 2006. They arrived before i could get off,and I sent them to chuck's for a good time prior to an afternoon on magazine. if you see them, please tell them we have missed them dearly. They would likely have full beards and new orleans accents by now, so you may not be able to distinguish them from the other locals in that joint.

leslie said...

amen. lunch at the bistro with zack friday. NO ONE gets in the car with him at the wheel.