Kitchen Essentials

Editor's Note: We are rolling out another feature here at the Internationally Acclaimed, Number Two Local Blog called Kitchen Essentials. As Rene's interests have shifted more to home cooking, we realize there are a lot of you out there with absolutely no idea what the heck your kitchen needs or how to blanch a vegetable. So here goes something...

Before we get started some background/ranting. Cruising through a couple's wedding registry is a particularly enjoyable pleasure. A vast majority of the kitchen gear on a couple's registry is either a) pointless b) redundant. Take for example, the Margaritaville Frozen Drink Maker. This machine is a fondue pot of desperation. If you buy one, you get a free bottle of Axe Body Spray and an Affliction shirt (rape charges sold separately). The only thing that piece of crap is useful for is buying Jimmy Buffet another beach house. You own this already, but it is called a blender and it doesn't play "Fins". So let's make this disappear faster than Jessica Simpson's career.

I once saw a registry with not one, not two, but three food processors of all different sizes and horsepower. Here is a hint, if you want a food processor, buy one and only one. Just make sure it is the biggest, baddest son of a bitch on the block. And how many times are you going to use the Avocado pit extractor or the Mango Slicer?

While we are at it, Williams-Sonoma is Orvis for fat people. Sure, its great to shop there, to wander around looking at the Ferrari's of espresso machines, but really its a lot of overpriced, average gear. If you really want to stock your kitchen head to a Restaurant Supply store. Don't worry you need not wear a chef's jacket or memorize a secret code. Most places have showrooms that are open to the public. Try Caire or Loubat in Mid-City. The stuff they sell is durable, affordable, it works, and is damn sexy.

Essential Number One: Knives and Cutting Board

The first thing you need in your kitchen is a few good, sharp knives and a solid wood cutting board. Since food isn't Emo, it won't cut itself. Therefore unless you are reheating Sandra Lee's Pinto Beans with Teriyaki Sliders, you are going to need to cut something to cook a meal. Let's start with the knives.

If you can only buy one knife, make it a good all purpose chef's knife. For this I use a 7 inch, Henckels Santoku knife for everyday cutting, chopping, and street fighting. It is not the world's greatest knife, but I like it and that is all that matters. Don't skimp on your everyday knife. You will use this knife more than the internet. Spend the money; keep it sharp with a honing stone and professional sharpening every 6 months. Go to a store, try them out, get the one that feels most comfortable. Using it everyday will make you a better cook and the next time you use that dull knife at Aunt Edna's you will understand why a good knife is the first step to better cooking.
You also want a paring knife (far right), a carving knife (second from left), and a knife with a serrated edge (bet you can figure it out on your own). Again, spending the money the first time will save you money in the long run.

A cutting board may be the most overlooked thing in the entire kitchen. It should be wood. It should be solid. It does not need to be pretty. It should not be made out of glass. It should make other people feel insecure about their cutting boards. And it should be big. How do you know how big it needs to be? If you can't fit a Thanksgiving turkey on it comfortably, put it back on the shelf, tis not big enough.

This cutting board has a moat around it, which is particularly useful should the Moors invade. Incidentally it was made by Richard the Snark, a waiter at the Old Green Lady. If you ask him nicely, he will not make you one.

Next week - you need pots.