Thursday, June 25, 2009

Guest Blogger: Real Big Tally

This week we turn the blog over to Real Big Tally (RBT), a highly competitive basketball coach from up-river. He wears Riddell coaching pants and is found of saying things like "There is no i in team...but there is a me." He claims he found our blog by googling "getting wasted and cooking with bacon grease while watching food porn"

As the coach of a successful high school baseball team, I often find it difficult to take time to go out to eat. Fortunately, on the way home from our quarter final loss, the Athletic Director of our school told me that we were going to stop for dinner. Seeing as it was pretty late, I decided that I’d like to eat at my favorite restaurant in Baton Rouge.

We pulled into the parking lot at 10:00pm, and I could see that they were closing up shop inside. Here I was with a bus full of my players, and the restaurant was closed. Even worse, I wasn't going to be able to have my favorite spinach and artichoke dip for an appetizer either. So I proceeded to the door of the restaurant and, sure enough, it was locked. However, what did I see in the back? It was Jerry G. the manager, coming to the front door! Before I could ask him if we could get take out from the kitchen, he told me, "Come on in Coach, I'll fire up the oven for yall." I was floored. What an exciting turn of events. The only thing that wowed me more than this great customer service was the meal that lay ahead...

Having to play in Minden that afternoon, I was famished and requested this tapas platter that is one of my real favorites.

A scintillating array of fried, handmade mozzarella cheese; boneless, farm-raised chicken wings covered with a spicy wet rub; and mouthwatering quesadillas lined the outside of the plate. I was in heaven. Accompanied by three delicious sauces and an ooey gooey vegetarian dip (with tortilla chips for dipping), this tapas plate could easily be a meal. However, since I had to share with my assistant coaches, I still had enough room for an entrée.

So, what do I get? Well the riblets are usually just delicious and their fried seafood is awesome, but when I come here I know that I can get the best surf and turf in the country.

That’s right - sirloin steak and Maryland crab cakes. I am never comfortable ordering steak in a restaurant because of how I like it cooked, but have no fear, it came out perfectly well done. The consistency of the meat was delightful; it had a great chewiness to it so that I could savor the flavor of the meat in my mouth for an extended time. I guess my only complaint was that I had to ask them to bring some ketchup to my table to dip my steak in. Thankfully, Jamie (our waitress), was really helpful and pulled a bottle off of another table.

And the crab cakes? What can I say but WOW! Sure there were a couple rogue shells throughout, but I figure that’s pretty phenomenal when they have the fresh crabs delivered from the Atlantic every morning. Unfortunately, the remoulade mustard that accompanied the cakes was a little too spicy for my pallet. I’d have preferred something milder; I had to use the ketchup with the crab cakes too.

Now, you’ve got to be wondering, “RBT, did you have room for dessert?” OF COURSE I DID!!!

The Mudslide was great! My girlfriend, the head cheerleader, asked if I wanted to split this thing with her, but I had to say sorry honey, this bad boy’s all for me. Though I had a pretty good brain freeze after downing this drink in 5 minutes, I was wholly satisfied.

The meal was great. The service was awesome. My AD even picked up the tab for the entire team. I was a little upset that they automatically added the gratuity to the bill (I mean, let me decide if I want to tip 15% or not, I would have anyway); but I couldn’t complain. So, if you’re in Baton Rouge and want to enjoy a high quality meal for yourself, check out Applebee’s on Old Hammond and Airline Highway.


Rene said...

What a perfect day for this article to come out. In honor of LSU's smoke fest over Texas, a review from the Red Stick.

Donnie Boy Riguez said...

Bout time this site started reviewing the classics. Excellent report.

Anonymous said...

Applebee's is OK, but come on Blackened Out; Ruby Tuesday and the Salad Bar are where it's at!

KF said...

We get the sarcasm, lay off Baton Rouge. While we don't have white linen night or the no. 1 murder rate in the country, we have very good, local, places to eat. Nice rip of the old Applebee's commercial though. Let me guess, the team forgot the loss by the time they left!

Rene said...

Guest blogging Thursdays we turn it over to the fans. I dont think this was a hit on BR, but more a humorous review of Applebees.

Write something for next week reviewing your favorite spot. We will publish it.

Peter said...


For what it's worth, the Real Big Tally is born, raised, and has never lived anywhere else but Baton Rouge.

I live in BR right now, and Rene lived here for 3 years. I agree with you that there are quite a few good local places here. There are also lots and lots (and lots) of chain restaurants.

But as defensive as you became over an obvious satirical piece about Applebee's, you make all of us look bad.

I echo Rene's thoughts on you writing a Guest Review. I am always looking for a new place to eat in BR.

The Folk Singer said...


Sounds like a challenge. Make your next-door-office-neighbor proud.

-Folk Singer

Anonymous said...

This reminds me of Dan Akroyd, Steve Martin, Chevy Chase, Eddie Murphy...but the post-cocaine addiction versions. Really not funny, just so sad to see people stooping to that level.

Legitimate fan request: please refrain from any future attempts at satirical reviews/articles.

Thank You.

BlackenedOut said...

What part of guest blogging Thursdays dont people understand?

Lets go over the rules again. Every Thursday in the summer we turn over the blog to a fan. This is because Peter is studying for the bar, and Rene is well, busy or something. Guest Bloggers can write on anything they want so long as it has something to do with food. We dont edit it. We just post it. Whichever guest blogger gets the most hits and page views on the day their article is published wins a free lunch.


BBD said...

Anonymous, you're fired.

Delivery Guy said...

Hip Hop a nonimus?

Real Big Tally said...

To Anonymous,

I quite enjoyed Bowfinger so I take you criticism as a compliment. Cheers to you.

RBPoBoy said...

When we evacuated for Gustav, I ended up one night in the Applebees in Gulfport. Tired and cranky, I ordered a Sapphire Martini.

The drink they brought me in a martini glass was bright blue. It was not gin. I couldn't figure out what the hell it was. Then I figured it out what happened after scanning the bottles behind the bar - the bartender knew that Sapphire looked blue in the bottle. They didn't have any. So he/she made a blue drink.

I ordered another one.

Peter said...


That is one of the better evacuation stories I have ever heard.

tigeratlaw said...

lawlz at the comments and the column

Anonymous said...