But sometimes you walked up to the front door of a house and came back with nothing but disappointment. Sugar free turtles? Candy canes leftover from last Christmas? Peeps so stale that you would need a hacksaw to cut through them? I used to hate when a plastic wrapped bundle of candy corn dropped in my bag. I freaking hate candy corn.
Then there are those houses that you walk back from grinning ear-to-ear. Not one, but two Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. King size Butterfingers! Your parents could actually see the dental bills increasing because of all of those new cavities which would need fillings.
And then you get to The Pope's house (otherwise known as "The Vatican") and watch as he opens this box:
Watching from afar, your parents are thinking: Why is this guy wearing a camauro? Is he drinking Grand Marnier out of that snifter he is holding? Why does he keep mumbling "it's like loving in your mouth" after handing out the candy?
Moving on past these rhetorical questions, your parents are overcome with jealousy as they watch you devour one of these morsels of goodness which The Pope has just graciously offered you.
Woodford Reserve Bourbon Balls - rich chocolate filled with the mother's milk of bourbon and topped with a single pecan for a contrast in texture. As you can see in the picture, The Pope has already sampled these delicious treats in order to ensure that they are up to the standards of the papacy. Forget about whether doling out these candies on Halloween may constitute contributing to the delinquency of a minor - just think of it as a progressive version of dipping an infant's pacifier in bourbon in order to help him fall asleep.
What? Your parents never did that?
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2 comments:
Did anyone else grow up on a block where a dentist lived? They always passed out toothbrushes. That was my first introduction to the term buzzkill.
You would think a dentist would pass out sugar coated balls of chocolated flavored sugar, right?
I thought the Pope was working Halloween!!
Mary Magdalene
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