Thursday, January 6, 2011

The Cold Hunger of the Flu

A particularly nasty and juvenile flu has overtaken me. The counter tops at home are strewn with syrupy medicines the color of rubies and emeralds. A pile of Kleenex grows on the coffee table resembling either an artistic rendering of either the Sphinx or an Air Traffic Control Tower. I have alerted Peter that if I do not survive he can have my law school loans.

Of course because it is a cold, I am eating like a refugee who has stumbled upon a grocery store in the middle of Darfur. There are many similarities between the hangover hunger and the cold hunger. For instance, just now, I ate a bowl of fried rice topped with vanilla ice cream. Trust me, it made sense at the time.

Of course soup is always what people tell you to eat when you have a cold. Or better yet they tell you this, "Someone needs to make you some chicken noodle soup."

Has anyone in history actually gotten homemade chicken noodle soup when they are sick? Such a statement is just an affectation - no one really wants to make a sick person soup. See also their next statement, "Don't breath on me."

So since no one will make you soup when you are sick, you have two options: either crack open that red and white can of soup which may have been left over from the previous tenants or make your own soup. Neither of those options will make you feel better. So scratch soup.

If you really want to fix the cold, you need a Hot Toddy. Now, there is a formal definition for this word; we can all debate what that is at the next meeting of Who Gives a Shit Anonymous. I use the term very broadly to mean a drink you fix when fighting a cold. When I lived in the arctic tundra (St. Louis), a spare bottle of brandy, some Grand Marnier, a simple syrup, and orange juice helped me battle what is known as a winter of catching colds and flus. So here it is.

The Flu Fighters

1 oz Brandy
1 oz Grand Marnier
1 Tablespoon Simple Syrup ("Just a spoonful sugar helps the medicine go down, the medicine go down...")
Orange juice, to taste

Combine the first three ingredients in a rocks glass. Stir. Top with orange juice. Chase with a mug of Thera-Flu.

It may not make you feel better, but at least you will fall asleep.

What foods or drinks do you crave when sick? Most original, wins a free copy of this cold.


Jeff Abbott said...

A girl I was dating really did come over and make me homemade chicken noodle soup when I was sick. She is now my wife.

My hot drink recipe for when I'm sick is Twinings English Breakfast tea, lemon, honey, and a bit of whisky.

Hope you feel better soon.

Lindsay said...

Believe it or not, my mom would occasionally make chicken noodle soup for me when I was young. But I found my fav cold remedy in Ohio - Jeni's Influenza Sorbet. Kind of like a toddy in sorbet form. I think I may try to recreate it.

Shelly said...

Hot tea with honey, lemon, and whiskey.... Matzo Ball soup from the Kosher Cajun....Welche's White Grape Juice cut with Sprite (when I'm really sick)....anything spicy when I have a cold since it's all I can taste.
In general though, my appetite is almost non-existent when I'm sick and I have to remind myself to eat even though everything tastes like cardboard.

Peter said...

You need a jewish grandmother. key ingredients are dill, parsnip, and extra schmaltz

mrmike said...

Russian Tea

1-1.5 qts strong Black Tea (Steep with 2x usual amount of tea)
A palmfull of cloves (a couple dozen or so)
Stick or so of cinnamon
1 qt Pineapple Juice
1 qt Orange Juice

serve warm.
Add whiskey or vodka to taste if desired.

Awren said...

Mother Nguyen makes a Vietnamese beef broth with macaroni noodles whenever I or any of my other family members are sick. Garlicky, deep, hot, and satisfying, I swear to you it gives Chicken Noodle Soup a run for its money 90% of the time and wins 110%.

Anonymous said...

Like Jeff, I have had a girl come over and make me her Panamanian version of chicken noodle soup while sick. Though, she is not my wife...thank god.

Anonymous said...

1 oz Wild Turkey
1 oz Bärenjäger Honey Liqueur
Pour over ice. Shake then strain.
Good for what ails ya.

Anonymous said...

Add a squeeze of lemon juice to the above.