Dear Santa

Santa,
I have chosen to write to you now for much the same reason I give wedding presents a year late. 1) I figure no one is writing you now, so a letter from me would be most appreciated and remembered more than the loads of letters you get near Christmas 2) I like to give you time to relax after such a stressful season before reminding you of the next one 3) the pressure of picking out a gift is much less when the deadline has already been missed.

Plus with everyone giving all this attention to this Patrick, Saint dude, I figured you were lonely and drunk. Which has always been a good time for me to get things I wanted. The iron is hot and I am striking.

Listen, I only desire one thing for Christmas this year. Its a little strange, but easily one of the sexiest things I have seen in a while. Look here. Is that not the coolest thing you have ever seen? Well besides Earth from the seat of a reindeer powered shuttle as you hurtle through space.

Granted, installation may be difficult in New Orleans, but I would gladly give up a bathroom for a wine cellar with a hidden door! Just think of the exercise I could get walking up and down those steps to select intoxicating bottles of pleasure. And the party tricks would never end. Section 123 Saints Fan sent it to me, and he knows a thing or two about the price of tea in China.

In other wine news, please send me a case of 2007 Alfredo Roca Pinot Noirs. Just when Pinots were approaching the same boring status Chardonnay held 5 years ago, this one came along and impressed me. Seven out of ten Pinots surveyed for this article were cloying, uninspired fruit bombs that tasted like cabernets in drag.

Made in Argentina in a Burgundian style, the nose is floral and violets, the taste elegant, and the finish durable. None of that Coca-Cola syrup infected, Penny Noir from California, this wine goes equally well with grilled turkey breasts or just casual back porch sipping. And at around $12 a bottle, a damn fine value. Available at Cork & Bottle and other fine purveyors.

Thanks Santa and remember, Asalamalakum.

P.S. I think a lot of people will ask you for Hogs for the Cause T-Shirts this year. If so, you can find them here.