Thanksgiving is Coming

The greatest holiday is Thanksgiving. But don't take my word for it. Thanksgiving was originally created by a rowdy bunch of ex-cons who thought religious oppression was for the birds. Then it was ratified by none other than Abe Lincoln. And we all know that dude had some pretty good ideas. Besides what is there not to like? Fall - Best Season, Football - Best Sport, Eating - Best Form of Exercise.

So let's get you ready for Thanksgiving. First thing is first, da bird. Take that turkey fryer and put it back in the garage. Put away the needles and salty injectable marinades with names like "Dr. Cajun's Crazy Turkey Viagra." And for goodness sakes, please don't even give Tofurkey a second chance.

I can hear it now: "But frying a turkey is fun!" OK, it might be. But in reality you are going to spend around $50 on enough peanut oil to power the International Space Station for a week. You will not be frying a turkey again this year, which means you have to figure out a way to dispose of 5 gallons of slightly used oil. I recommend putting it in your neighbor's trash. Then there is the issue of safety. While although I trust you, your cousin Peanuckle with the gimpy leg, he is a liability. Finally, it just does not taste good. If you want fried turkey, just cut up a whole bird and fry the pieces like chicken. That would be much tastier.

The easiest way to get a juicy, moist tender bird is to cook it properly. Get a screaming hot oven, say 400 degrees. Wash your bird inside and out. Thoroughly season it inside and out with salt and pepper. In the cavity, toss a few chunks of onion, some lemon wedges, garlic, maybe some sage or thyme. Place it on a rack in a roasting pan. Maybe under the rack you want to put some onions, carrots, celery, or a leek. Rub the outside with some butter or oil. Maybe you want to carefully place massage some butter under the skin and over the breast meat. Place a thermometer into the thickest part of the thigh. Place bird in oven, open second bottle of wine, and yell at SEC refs.

After 45 minutes, lower the heat to 325. Remove the bird from oven and baste. Here is where it gets tricky. I want you to fashion a foil breast plate for your turkey. Take a piece of foil and fit it over the breast. Tuck it in, make sure it is sturdy, and place the pan back in the oven. Cook until bird reaches an internal temp of 165. Remove. Let rest for a good half hour. Carve and enjoy.

The foil breast plate will protect the breast from drying out and overcooking. The skin should be golden and crackly after 45 minutes in such a hot oven, but if it doesn't, remove the breast plate and baste occasionally, replacing breast plate when you are done. Or just finish uncovered for the last 30 minutes or so.

Now you certainly can brine the bird, but I find the gravy comes out way to salty. Another simple trick is to just salt the inside and outside of the bird a few hours before cooking. When ready to season, rinse off.

Now, what Turkey Day issues should we tackle next? Besides how to un-invite your cousin Peanuckle.